im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
