I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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