don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
