FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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