so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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