i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
