all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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