this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
