He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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