The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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