anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
