No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
