youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
