haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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