you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My vagina is officially offended.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
