Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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