Where did you get a picture of my penis
Buhtt sex?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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