the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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