Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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