thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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