I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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