Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
