Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
