I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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