so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
