I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
