I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
