I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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