Can Purell be used as lube?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
