One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
