Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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