addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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