a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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