I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
