the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
