At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
