Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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