glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
