Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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