I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
