I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
