he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
