wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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