Someone shit on the floor
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
