allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
