oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
