I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
