Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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