tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
