I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
