but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
