you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
